Saturday, February 28, 2009

Pre-Marital Counseling?

Mr. J and I are both children of divorced parents--well, technically, my parents are divorced and his parents have been separated for years--so getting married is a big step for the both of us. I never thought I would get married. Now, I wasn't one of those women who thought there were no good black men left--but it is kind of hard out there!

Let me repeat: I never thought I would get married. Sure, I'd thought about it, but it was never something that seemed within reach. Not even when Mr. J and I first started dating. On our second date we had the marriage talk (YES, our second date) and he told me that he was not going to be getting married. At the time I thought, yeah, I don't want to get married either. Later on in our relationship he said that he would get married if the woman he was in love with needed that. And I thought, I'd never want someone to marry me because they think I need it.

So now we're here--we're getting married. A big step for both of us and we're doing it with both eyes open. I know this may sound cliche but we want this marriage to last. I feel like marriage has become this thing that people do to have a big party and then a year or two later they're divorced. That sucks! I know they probably don't think they'll be divorced that soon--but if you look closely at the relationship, there were cracks already starting to form. This is not a starter marriage for us, this is it. This is it.

Mr. J and I are trying to get some pre-marital counseling. We want to be armed with the tools before we get married--there's room for improvement in every relationship and we both are really excited about strengthening our bond--even if that means getting into some heavy stuff.

I also know that in the black community there's still this stigma attached to counseling--you know, we don't air our dirty secrets--but it's when we get them out in the open that everything becomes clean.

What do you think about pre-marital counseling? Or counseling in general?


Who is Chay$theGreat? said...

I think that it is very mature and responsible of the both of you to seek counseling. It shows that you are both committed to making your marriage work. Do it! Don't care what people think, all that matters is the commitment you have made to each other.


WideEyedBride said...

Do it! Me and Mr. Man benefited so much from our counseling! Make sure you have a couple who is willing to spend time with you and talk about REAL issues. Even better, make sure its someone who is willing to help you guys AFTER the big day, too.

The Bridal BFF said...

Great post! Thanks for being so open with your experience with Mr. J. If and when I do get engaged and start planning my own wedding, I would definitely consider pre-marital counseling. It is SUCH a huge committment to step into that you just want to make sure that you and the future hubby are ready and that EVERYTHING is out on the table...EVERYTHING! Communication is key!

God's Favorite Shoes! said...

My fiance' and I are now attending pre-marital counseling and I can not tell you how much it has helped. Now granted, two days later we might forget what we learned and veer from the course but it does help to have a sit down with a mediator that arms you with tools.

It was important that we had someone that Christian based but still had a license to give counsel. It's some heavy stuff! It makes you look at what you expect out of the other person that you may not have actually articulated out's deep.

I will be honest, he went into it as a chore but when we are sitting right there and the tick of it, I know his heart and soul is listening and heeding:)As does my heart and soul...