Could Your Marriage Pass this Test?

The New York Times posted an article about the test that citizens who marry immigrants must take (along with their spouses) if they suspect the marriage is a fake. The post can be found here: "Could Your Marriage Pass The Test?"

Here are a few of the questions:

• On the day of your wedding, where did you wake up? What about your spouse?
• How many floors are in the house/apartment building where you live?
• If you are standing at and facing your kitchen sink, where is the microwave oven?
• If you are lying in bed, which side does your spouse sleep on?
• What is the name of your spouse’s manager at work?

Check the link above from The New York Times to see all of the questions. This might make for an interesting Q&A with your spouse...don't blame me if it starts an argument!

Uplifting Talk About Black Love

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm sick and tired of hearing about the low rate of marriage or suitable mates for single Black heterosexual women. I'm not saying I don't agree with the issues that women have talked about in news articles, I'm just saying that I am TIRED of all the negativity.

Who made Steve Harvey, a comedian, the savior of single Black women?

I'm not going to dwell on the negativity, but I wanted to share something I found on one of my favorite blogs to read, Black Girl with Long Hair. (<---- check that link for the contest post.) There was a contest where couples could post a picture (only prerequisite was that one part of the couple had to be a Black women with natural hair) and let me tell you that the outpouring of love was phenomenal. I submitted a picture of Mr. J and I, not to win the contest (I didn't) but because I thought it was a beautiful feature.

Because so many people responded, there is now a tumblr site called Black Love Poster dedicated to showcasing Black love. And it's not restricted to heterosexual and both partners being Black. As long as there's a female who is natural, you can submit pictures (sorry to all the permies!)

Please submit. It's great to feel loved!

I wish I could type more!

I'm a writer professionally and personally--which means I usually spend a minimum of 14 hours on the computer a day (was probably more over the past two years with me doing an MFA degree). All of these hours mean: carpal tunnel and something called ulnar nerve neuropathy. So I can't type as much as I want to.

The hubby and I are doing great! He's taking me to Disney for my 32nd birthday (I've never been). And we'll get to spend time with my best friend and her hubby (they were married 6 months before us). His birthday just passed and we had a Mojito & Empanada party with leftover rum from our wedding. Yum.

I found the coolest thing today on Etsy that I wanted to share with you guys. These are custom fingerprint rings (they make pendants, too) from the Fabuluster shop by Brent & Jessica Williams. Seriously, awesome. Great wedding bands, but we have great ones already. And we both wear rings on our right hands that were gifts from the other. Maybe an anniversary gift?

via Fabuluster at Etsy

Baby Talk

My mom wants a grandchild. His mom wants a grandchild. (They both have no grandchildren). My dad just had a baby with his wife, I have a 5-month old half-sister. I invited my mother and sister to lunch a while ago and they thought I invited them to make a big announcement. Went to dinner with my aunt and cousin and they also thought I was going to make a big announcement.

I'm not pregnant! And most likely will not be pregnant anytime soon. I love babies and I do want children, I'd like to start trying next year. Mr. J could wait longer, however he's not the one who'd have to carry said baby and is four years younger than me, and he has the luxury of being a man and could wait another 10 years and probably not have any issues.

The point is, I hate when people ask "When are you going to start a family?" We officially started our family on August 8, 2009, though our family began before that.

Whenever I see a baby, I do want it. But right now I'm all about borrowing babies to get that fresh baby smell and then giving them back to their mommas.

Creative Date Nights

Mr. J and I instituted date night in our relationship at about the 1 year mark. We were both serious about each other, living separately, and both uber busy with work, school, and other priorities. We didn't have a specific date night, we just looked at our schedules every week and chose a new day to have quality time.

After we moved in together, we kept date night. Especially because I'm a night owl and Mr. J is a morning person...so we were basically watching each other sleep throughout the week. Our date nights were pretty standard, go to a restaurant and make googly eyes at each other, go to a movie and hold hands, or go to hear live music and sing together. I read an article in the New York Times a while ago, "Reinventing Date Night for Long-Married Couples." I think this article is important, not just for long-married couples, but for all couples. The main thing I took away was that by learning something together as a couple, you can strengthen your bond.

Because it's freezing cold and we've been snowed in--Mr. J and I have to be really creative having date night at home and not falling into the rut of Netflix and dinner :) For our last date night we got really creative and decided to paint portraits of each other to hang in our bedroom. We both are creative, but we haven't painted a picture since watercolors in kindergarten. We went to an art store after work, picked up our supplies, got some takeout and wine. We were painting until about 3 a.m. (almost done!).

We learned that we've both got some skillz, y'all! We both can already draw, but it was hard to execute our sketches into paintings. We also bought two smaller canvases so that we can eventually paint our two cats and have a whole family portrait wall. We're planning on taking a painting class together during the summer when Mr. J has summer vacation and things are slower for me at work. I can't wait!

Check out our paintings! Keep in mind that we're not completely done yet. (I need to make Mr. J's teeth look less like Chiclets and he needs to give me a nose!) ***And please forgive me for the large photos, I'll resize photos moving forward, too lazy now :)

First time painting: Success!

Babe, where's my nose?

We based our portraits on this photo of us
taken by Richard Louissaint.

What creative date nights have you had? Do you have any more creative ideas for us? Share!

Marrying into Debt

I have student loans. Mr. J doesn't. When we met, Mr. J was a master's student (English lit), he took the long route, taking one or two classes a semester and summer classes for years. He paid for grad school without loans and had a free tuition ride for undergrad. I have loans from undergrad (yay loans) and more loans from my MFA in creative writing which I just finished up in December.

So, the point is, Mr. J has married a woman with debt. A lot of student loans. Last week Mr. J showed me what it means to have a partner. One of my private loan lenders from undergrad called me and offered me a deal since I've paid consistently for years--a one-time payout of half of my loan if I could come up with the money in 30 days. I only had half of the money in savings. I told Mr. J about the offer and the first thing out of his mouth was, "Well, let's pay this thing off!" And he said we could just split the cost down the middle. I had a koolaid smile on my face. I wasn't expecting him to offer to pay for half, I was going to ask him to cover the amount I couldn't cover...instead he would give me half and I'd be able to keep more money in savings.

Sometimes I forget that we're in this together. He doesn't have to help me with my student loan debt. And yet he wants to. Gotta love this man!

Happy 2010!

I hope you all had a great New Year. One of my resolutions was to get back to blogging, no longer about wedding planning, but about creating a successful marriage.

We've been married for 5 months now...and I have to admit I haven't really felt like a newlywed until just recently. I just graduated from my MFA program in December and Mr. J graduates this January...and wrapping up our last semesters was pure craziness. We have both been so busy. But now we've got more time and it's winter, so we can spend more time cuddling and being all romantical.

We went on our official honeymoon/graduation celebration/Christmas present to each other vacation to Costa Rica, thanks, in part, to the wonderful monetary wedding gifts we received. We spent both Christmas and New Year's in this beautiful country. It was a vacation to remember, very beautiful and adventurous! We went horseback riding, white water rafting, canyoneering/rapelling, ziplining, and on many many hikes through the rainforest. We picked coffee, learned how to make fresh corn tortillas and how to make chocolate. We soaked in hot springs, frolicked on the beach, and slept in the rainforest. Sigh.

It feels good to be married. One of our most important challenges right now is making quality time for each other. We'll continue with our weekly date nights...and I'll post some things that are working, and things that don't.

Thanks for reading!

In front of the Arenal Volcano, Costa Rica

At a river in Sarapiqui, Costa Rica

Canyoneering

Yes, this is actually us covered by the
Rio Toro while white water rafting