I Do Black Love! Or, I Do: Black Love

Could Your Marriage Pass this Test?

2010-06-17T00:45:00.002-04:00

The New York Times posted an article about the test that citizens who marry immigrants must take (along with their spouses) if they suspect the marriage is a fake. The post can be found here: "Could Your Marriage Pass The Test?"

Here are a few of the questions:

• On the day of your wedding, where did you wake up? What about your spouse?
• How many floors are in the house/apartment building where you live?
• If you are standing at and facing your kitchen sink, where is the microwave oven?
• If you are lying in bed, which side does your spouse sleep on?
• What is the name of your spouse’s manager at work?

Check the link above from The New York Times to see all of the questions. This might make for an interesting Q&A with your spouse...don't blame me if it starts an argument!

Uplifting Talk About Black Love

2010-05-13T23:10:00.003-04:00

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm sick and tired of hearing about the low rate of marriage or suitable mates for single Black heterosexual women. I'm not saying I don't agree with the issues that women have talked about in news articles, I'm just saying that I am TIRED of all the negativity.

Who made Steve Harvey, a comedian, the savior of single Black women?

I'm not going to dwell on the negativity, but I wanted to share something I found on one of my favorite blogs to read, Black Girl with Long Hair. (<---- check that link for the contest post.) There was a contest where couples could post a picture (only prerequisite was that one part of the couple had to be a Black women with natural hair) and let me tell you that the outpouring of love was phenomenal. I submitted a picture of Mr. J and I, not to win the contest (I didn't) but because I thought it was a beautiful feature.

Because so many people responded, there is now a tumblr site called Black Love Poster dedicated to showcasing Black love. And it's not restricted to heterosexual and both partners being Black. As long as there's a female who is natural, you can submit pictures (sorry to all the permies!)

Please submit. It's great to feel loved!

I wish I could type more!

2010-04-07T19:56:00.006-04:00

I'm a writer professionally and personally--which means I usually spend a minimum of 14 hours on the computer a day (was probably more over the past two years with me doing an MFA degree). All of these hours mean: carpal tunnel and something called ulnar nerve neuropathy. So I can't type as much as I want to.

The hubby and I are doing great! He's taking me to Disney for my 32nd birthday (I've never been). And we'll get to spend time with my best friend and her hubby (they were married 6 months before us). His birthday just passed and we had a Mojito & Empanada party with leftover rum from our wedding. Yum.

I found the coolest thing today on Etsy that I wanted to share with you guys. These are custom fingerprint rings (they make pendants, too) from the Fabuluster shop by Brent & Jessica Williams. Seriously, awesome. Great wedding bands, but we have great ones already. And we both wear rings on our right hands that were gifts from the other. Maybe an anniversary gift?

via Fabuluster at Etsy

Baby Talk

2010-03-08T22:46:00.007-05:00

My mom wants a grandchild. His mom wants a grandchild. (They both have no grandchildren). My dad just had a baby with his wife, I have a 5-month old half-sister. I invited my mother and sister to lunch a while ago and they thought I invited them to make a big announcement. Went to dinner with my aunt and cousin and they also thought I was going to make a big announcement.

I'm not pregnant! And most likely will not be pregnant anytime soon. I love babies and I do want children, I'd like to start trying next year. Mr. J could wait longer, however he's not the one who'd have to carry said baby and is four years younger than me, and he has the luxury of being a man and could wait another 10 years and probably not have any issues.

The point is, I hate when people ask "When are you going to start a family?" We officially started our family on August 8, 2009, though our family began before that.

Whenever I see a baby, I do want it. But right now I'm all about borrowing babies to get that fresh baby smell and then giving them back to their mommas.

Creative Date Nights

2010-02-27T10:49:00.007-05:00

Mr. J and I instituted date night in our relationship at about the 1 year mark. We were both serious about each other, living separately, and both uber busy with work, school, and other priorities. We didn't have a specific date night, we just looked at our schedules every week and chose a new day to have quality time.

After we moved in together, we kept date night. Especially because I'm a night owl and Mr. J is a morning person...so we were basically watching each other sleep throughout the week. Our date nights were pretty standard, go to a restaurant and make googly eyes at each other, go to a movie and hold hands, or go to hear live music and sing together. I read an article in the New York Times a while ago, "Reinventing Date Night for Long-Married Couples." I think this article is important, not just for long-married couples, but for all couples. The main thing I took away was that by learning something together as a couple, you can strengthen your bond.

Because it's freezing cold and we've been snowed in--Mr. J and I have to be really creative having date night at home and not falling into the rut of Netflix and dinner :) For our last date night we got really creative and decided to paint portraits of each other to hang in our bedroom. We both are creative, but we haven't painted a picture since watercolors in kindergarten. We went to an art store after work, picked up our supplies, got some takeout and wine. We were painting until about 3 a.m. (almost done!).

We learned that we've both got some skillz, y'all! We both can already draw, but it was hard to execute our sketches into paintings. We also bought two smaller canvases so that we can eventually paint our two cats and have a whole family portrait wall. We're planning on taking a painting class together during the summer when Mr. J has summer vacation and things are slower for me at work. I can't wait!

Check out our paintings! Keep in mind that we're not completely done yet. (I need to make Mr. J's teeth look less like Chiclets and he needs to give me a nose!) ***And please forgive me for the large photos, I'll resize photos moving forward, too lazy now :)

First time painting: Success!

Babe, where's my nose?

We based our portraits on this photo of us
taken by Richard Louissaint.

What creative date nights have you had? Do you have any more creative ideas for us? Share!

Marrying into Debt

2010-02-01T21:15:00.002-05:00

I have student loans. Mr. J doesn't. When we met, Mr. J was a master's student (English lit), he took the long route, taking one or two classes a semester and summer classes for years. He paid for grad school without loans and had a free tuition ride for undergrad. I have loans from undergrad (yay loans) and more loans from my MFA in creative writing which I just finished up in December.

So, the point is, Mr. J has married a woman with debt. A lot of student loans. Last week Mr. J showed me what it means to have a partner. One of my private loan lenders from undergrad called me and offered me a deal since I've paid consistently for years--a one-time payout of half of my loan if I could come up with the money in 30 days. I only had half of the money in savings. I told Mr. J about the offer and the first thing out of his mouth was, "Well, let's pay this thing off!" And he said we could just split the cost down the middle. I had a koolaid smile on my face. I wasn't expecting him to offer to pay for half, I was going to ask him to cover the amount I couldn't cover...instead he would give me half and I'd be able to keep more money in savings.

Sometimes I forget that we're in this together. He doesn't have to help me with my student loan debt. And yet he wants to. Gotta love this man!

Happy 2010!

2010-01-10T17:58:00.008-05:00

I hope you all had a great New Year. One of my resolutions was to get back to blogging, no longer about wedding planning, but about creating a successful marriage.

We've been married for 5 months now...and I have to admit I haven't really felt like a newlywed until just recently. I just graduated from my MFA program in December and Mr. J graduates this January...and wrapping up our last semesters was pure craziness. We have both been so busy. But now we've got more time and it's winter, so we can spend more time cuddling and being all romantical.

We went on our official honeymoon/graduation celebration/Christmas present to each other vacation to Costa Rica, thanks, in part, to the wonderful monetary wedding gifts we received. We spent both Christmas and New Year's in this beautiful country. It was a vacation to remember, very beautiful and adventurous! We went horseback riding, white water rafting, canyoneering/rapelling, ziplining, and on many many hikes through the rainforest. We picked coffee, learned how to make fresh corn tortillas and how to make chocolate. We soaked in hot springs, frolicked on the beach, and slept in the rainforest. Sigh.

It feels good to be married. One of our most important challenges right now is making quality time for each other. We'll continue with our weekly date nights...and I'll post some things that are working, and things that don't.

Thanks for reading!

In front of the Arenal Volcano, Costa Rica

At a river in Sarapiqui, Costa Rica

Canyoneering

Yes, this is actually us covered by the
Rio Toro while white water rafting

Sorry, I needed a break!

2009-09-27T22:40:00.002-04:00

There are so many more pictures to share and advice, advice, advice!

But after spending almost a year being focused on planning the wedding, I was pretty much over anything to do with wedding, so I've been avoiding blogging, reading blogs, etc. Some women go through wedding withdrawal--but I am super busy (trying to finish these thank you cards) finishing up my last semester in graduate school--no withdrawals here.

I am slowly coming back to the wedding world. My mom is getting married next year, so I've been enlisted to help since I am now an expert.

I'll be back with a budget breakdown and some other stuff soon!

DIYing Was Worth the Hard Work!

2009-08-17T13:52:00.005-04:00

photo by Nisha Sondhe

I cropped this one show bouquets

I wanted to share this picture of my bouquet and my bridesmaids' bouquets because I've been receiving lots of compliments from our guests about how they loved how personalized our wedding was. People left with a better sense of who Mr. & Mrs. J are as people and as a couple. In future blog entries I'll post our ceremony, our vows, and all the other unique Mr. & Mrs. J touches that we included. Having a wedding is not a competition, but I'll admit it does feel great when people tell us, "Best wedding I've ever been to," or "Top 3 of all the weddings I've been to." To me it says that all the hard work we did meant paid off.

My bouquet was very simple, dried lavender and artificial baby's breath, which I wrapped in purple ribbon and attached three quotes from love poems to. For the bridesmaid bouquet's I made all of the girls an initial bookmark, which I tied to the lavender stems. Lavender was great because the bouquets will actually last for a very long time. All the centerpieces that had lavender in them were taken by guests (in fact, the bamboo mats we used, donated books from our bookshelves, framed photos, and LED candles were taken by guests) which made break down after the reception easier.

During the planning process I was second-guessing myself all the time about decisions we made, "Is this too out there?" or "Will our guests like this?" when the reality is that almost everything we did that was "outside the box" and special to us, was what made our wedding so touching and memorable to people.

Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself, My Name is...

2009-08-14T00:55:00.005-04:00

Mrs. J. Yup, that's right. My wonderfully talented friend Nisha Sondhe, photographer extraordinaire has given me some photos...and I'm sharing a few with you until I have them all.

Mr. J and I had an amazing time. It went by so fast, but it will remain in our memories forever! Our friends and family who supported us are AWESOME!

I promise there will be more to come soon!

All images were taken by Nisha Sondhe

DIY thanks to Youtube

2009-07-30T22:42:00.005-04:00

I've been told I should be updating my blog...please excuse me as I only have 9 days until I get married! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! I'm excited, but also a bit stressed. No more triple or double digits.

I wanted to share one of my favorite websites of all time--Youtube! I watch videos from my childhood all the time on it--but it's also a great place for make-up and hair tutorials. I saw this tutorial when it was first posted. I am a lurking member of nappturality and saw a post for this video. Thanks for the tutorial, Dynamic Runner!

I have tried a number of intricate styles that looked beautiful--but hurt like hell. My scalp has become very tender since I don't have to use a comb anymore with locks. I do not want to be in pain on my wedding day, some of the hairstyles I tried didn't last for an hour--even with Advil. So I was looking for something that isn't too tight, simple to do, and pretty. Enter this Youtube video. I love doing a side ponytail, so I tried a side "Lobster tail." It took about five minutes to do and I like the look of it, and I wore it for the whole evening (could have worn it longer, but I wanted to take the bun out to sleep). I'm putting the photo below, but keep in mind that my hair is not freshly twisted (I'll get to that next Thursday) so this photo is not an accurate depiction of how my hair will actually look. Also, I plan to pin curl the front so that I will have a sort of side swept curled bang for the day of. And the look will be complete with my birdcage veil. I can't wait!

Oh, and please ignore the red dots on the back of my neck--this is a botched tattoo that I haven't gotten around to covering--NOT a rash. (Ha!)

Kermit and Miss Piggy (Somebody's Getting Married!)

2009-07-22T20:07:00.003-04:00

When my best friend was close to her wedding date I sent this video to her Facebook page and of course it made her cry. Even though Miss Piggy tricked Kermie into getting married, it's still really cute. I'm getting more and more excited and actually feeling less stressed as questions get answered (and as we come up with a rain plan).

Enjoy the videos!

19 days!

2009-07-20T19:31:00.002-04:00

Today was the day, the first day of "the nerves." I looked at my calendar and realized there were three weeks left. I e-mailed HR to find out about the whole name change process and referred to Mr. J as my husband. Wow.

Today we got a big shipment of supplies: our LED real wax candles for the tables (24 of them) and our bunches of lavender (26) to decorate the tables, bouquets, and we'll figure out what to do with the extra. I always order a bit extra and the bunches were larger than they appeared in the photos, score! Our whole apartment has the faint smell of lavender (we're keeping it sealed in the box in our closet). I wish I could show you pictures of the finished product--guess you'll have to wait until after the wedding.

We went to a wedding this weekend and spoke with a couple who have been married for 54 years. The husband asked to see my ring and when the couple looked at it the wife said, "Oh I can tell this is going to be a different affair." I took that as a compliment!

Eh, I don't really have much to say...so much to do, so little time.

Marriage License Day!!!!!

2009-07-10T19:45:00.003-04:00

*Bacon stands for Mr. J! Well, not really, but I really DO love bacon and this t-shirt was a gift I received yesterday from my lovely co-workers, including a bacon cookbook and three packs of bacon (they know me so well!).

Anyway, this post is not about bacon--but our marriage license. Hooray! It was a painless process, though there were some screaming babies. I highly recommend anyone in living in New York to make the trip to the new Marriage Bureau in Manhattan on Worth Street. We didn't go there (haha). We went to the Brooklyn location, which has not been renovated like the New York office. Despite the grimy yellow paint, it was a great experience for us and we have until September 6th to get married in the state of New York.

It was a little weird to fill out my new surname, I'm going to be Mrs. J in 29 days. Mrs. always sounds old to me. I think I'm going to feel like a "real" adult the first time someone calls me Mrs. J.

It's the Little Things

2009-07-09T15:44:00.005-04:00

I love Snapple Lemon Iced Tea. I came home from work yesterday after a long day, opened the fridge and there was my favorite drink staring back. I looked at Mr. J and said "Is this for me?" He said of course. I almost cried and this might seem like such a small thing--but it means he is genuinely invested in my happiness, in our happiness. Sometimes he'll buy me my favorite cereal, for me this is better than getting flowers! I can't wait to marry him.

Today he gave me some advice because I've been dealing with an issue (not being able to get in contact with my father) and what he said was so thoughtful and caring, and he made it an issue for us as a couple to tackle. I have a partner, a true partner in this world and I can't tell you in words how good it makes me feel. I get to marry him in a month! I can't wait. I was ready to go to the JP months ago, but I'm glad HE wanted a wedding, I'm glad to have the chance to stand before my closest friends and family and declare that I'm going to fight for love with this man.

What NOT to do!

2009-07-08T12:20:00.004-04:00

Do not buy seven cases of wine from Trader Joe's months before the wedding because you are an uber organized planner and want to get as much as you can done before things get too crazy. Do not leave said cases of wine in your hot ass apartment, so hot that sometimes you have to turn off the heat in the winter. Do not leave said cases of wine in your hot ass apartment that retains all the heat from spring/summer time.

Why?

Because one day you will read about wine on Google and discover the reason behind people having wine cellars and wine fridges, because wine is supposed to be kept in a cool environment. DUH. Because you will realize that you have kept your wine in the opposite of a cool environment. Because you will test a couple bottles of wine and realize that they taste like crap. Because you will ask your fiance to test the wine out and he (who doesn't know much about wine either) will say that the wine is fine, "it tastes like beer!" Because wine is not supposed to taste like beer, wine is supposed to taste like wine!

Because you think you know so much about wine because you like to drink it, but in fact you are a wine idiot.

Luckily, we didn't spend an arm and a leg on the wine. And we have a new plan that is even better: beer, two signature drinks, and wine (we'll replace some of it).

14 pounds!

2009-07-07T10:19:00.003-04:00

Oh how I wish I could report that I lost 14 pounds. I really wish I could. My best friend keeps telling me that I'm going to lose weight as it gets closer to the wedding because of stress--and I keep telling her that I EAT when I'm stressed. I've gained 14 pounds since being the maid of honor in her wedding this past February.

Ugh.

The upside to the scale going up these past months is that my dress (which my mom bought for me in December) was too big for me. I normally wear a size 12 dress if it's form-fitting and a size 8 dress if flares at the hips. These hips do not lie (ok that was cheesy). So the dress is a size 14. I had my first fitting three weeks ago and the seamstress pinned it a lot, thanks to me being a size 8 on top. So this means that my extra 14 pounds fits the dress, I just can't gain any more weight.

The downside is that I feel like crap. I've been avoiding the scale because I knew it would show me something I didn't want to see, but could feel when I'm walking up the stairs. So, no more! I am not going on a diet, but I am going to eat better, Mr. J and I have been slacking on grocery shopping which means we eat out a lot more than we should. When I cook at home, it's usually healthy. Must buy groceries. And I'm going back to my daily yoga routine. I'm not going to try to lose the 14 pounds until after the wedding, but I'll get started and maybe lose a few that won't affect the dress.

I should be writing thank you cards right now...

2009-07-06T22:17:00.004-04:00

source

but all I want to do is procrastinate. Ugh. I am totally thankful. (Can a general thank you on my blog to everyone count?) But writing these thank you cards kind of makes me feel like Lauryn looks in this picture.

Ugh. Okay, okay.

So not looking forward to writing thank you cards for the wedding! That's more people!!!! And I'm a friggin writer!!!

Alright, I'm going to do at least do 5 tonight. (I really am thankful, just lazy.)

Our Broom

2009-07-05T19:07:00.004-04:00

I just finished decorating our broom for the ceremony. All supplies are courtesy of Michael's (I LOVE that place). It was a plain broom, I wrapped a shimmery lilac ribbon with a satiny blue ribbon up the broom, added some fake flowers in our colors, and tied a bow. I used corsage pins to keep everything in place, it's like practice for when I make all the bouquets. I can't wait to jump over it with my man!

34 days to go!

2009-07-05T16:58:00.006-04:00

Mr. J and I have our color-coded to do list in Google Documents--his items in blue and mine in purple. Since he's on summer vacation, he'll be doing a lot of things for the wedding, it will be nice to have him doing stuff full force now.

I've been doing lots of the little projects for the wedding over this 4-day weekend. I cleaned all of our Starbuck's bottles that we are using for the centerpieces, got all the adhesive off the outside of the glasses. I stuffed half of our favors into the blue and purple favor bags (we decided to go with edibles). I tied purple ribbon around all 72 pairs of flip flops. I made boutonnieres for the groom, best woman, groomsmen, and our dads. At first I wasn't going to do bouts for the guys because we are using the lavender plant as our flowers and the place we are getting them from doesn't recommend them for bouts. Mr. J and I went to Michael's (we will probably make one more trip there before the wedding) and I bought some fake flowers, floral tape, and ribbon to make the bouts. We also got some small pebbles to put in the glass jars with the lavender, lots of ribbon for various projects, and favor bags.

You can't tell, but the larger one on the left is wrapped in purple ribbon (groom) and the rest are like the one on the right, wrapped in blue ribbon

Before the ribbon

After the ribbon!

Boy Met Girl (Our Invitations)

2009-07-05T16:48:00.002-04:00

So, here's the outside of our invitation. We used kraft paper and printed the stick figure image I drew on that paper, then cut it in half because the invite opens in the middle. It says "Boy Met Girl" and on the inside is that stick-figure image of us as a bride and a groom and it says "To read the rest of our story, please join our families in a celebration of friendship, laughter, and love as Mr. J & Future Mrs. J are united in marriage on bla bla bla..." The inside is lined in the lilac paper and then the kraft paper.

Bridal Shower Photos

2009-07-05T16:31:00.006-04:00

I was in LA for school for 10 days so I neglected the blog for a bit. We are at 34 days until the wedding, I can't believe it. There are still tons of little things to do which I'll talk about in another post.

My bridal shower was held at my friend's parents' home in Brooklyn. The menu was fried chicken (it went so fast it was so yummy), macaroni salad, rice and peas, mini-rolls, and regular salad. It was catered by a friend of my mother's. We played a couple of games, one where I filled out a questionnaire and whoever got the most correct answers for how well do you know me, won. My oldest friend--we went to elementary and high school together--won. The other was a quiz that Mr. J answered, all of the guests had to write down how many they thought I'd get right. I did horribly at that game and as you'll see from the picture below--I had to take a shot out of a cup shaped like a boob every time I got a question wrong. There was a "Book Fair" where books for different parts of my life were given, it was awesome! There was also a burlesque performance, lots of eating, jokes, and an all around good time had by all.

Here are some pics from my awesome bridal shower:

Me and my lovely bridesmaids

My beautiful cake!

My awesome bridal shower invitation!

They made me drink wine from a booby cup whenever I got answers wrong!

This was part of the Book Fair--my own personal Sex Bible :)

Most Awesome Cake Ever!

2009-06-14T22:51:00.003-04:00

My bridal shower & pre-bachelorette party were AMAZING! I'll write more about this fabulous weekend, the greatest bridesmaids and mom ever, and all the details soon. Now to have another piece of cake!

Ikea Has Everything

2009-06-09T12:46:00.005-04:00

I love Ikea. The majority of the furniture in our apartment comes from Ikea because it's affordable and hip. I never thought about Ikea for wedding supplies though. That is, until I read a post on An Atlanta Bride, who recently married her Mr. Wonderful. Her blog is awesome, you should check it out. She bought tables from Ikea to use in her lounge area during cocktail hour.

My wedding is basically one long cocktail hour and originally we were going to rent coffee tables, but $125 each for 2 seemed extravagant. We are still getting the lovely white benches for our two lounge-like areas, but I knew we could get the tables for cheaper. Enter Ikea. Mr. J and I took the free Ikea shuttle to the Red Hook, Brooklyn location. I love walking around the showroom. We saw many coffee tables and wrote down a few we liked. Then we saw a display that had two tables pushed together to make one, and guess how much those tables were? $12.99! So, we picked up 4 white Lack tables for about 52 bucks, as opposed to $250. Yes, I was in heaven! I love a deal. (All images via Ikea) We were on our way to pay and had to go through the first floor with all the Home Decor. For anyone thinking about centerpieces, YOU MUST GO TO IKEA. So many ideas, so little time. We walked towards the paper lanterns and both fell in love. Instead of me slaving on the beautiful coffee filter garland I was going to make to hang over the tree branches, we're going to go with 4 paper lanterns dangling just above head range. Ikea had an example of a lantern painted blue (SCORE!) so we bought the blue paint as well. It will look great during the ceremony when the sun is out and beautiful at night after sunset when the lights can be turned on. So with the 4 Lack tables, 4 paper lanters, 5 cords (we bought one more just in case), 1 can of blue stain, 1 paintbrush, and one blue Ikea bag, we spent $107.

I can't wait until Mr. J and I move into our next apartment, I want the red kitchen in the showroom!

Awkward (RSVP)

2009-06-03T17:38:00.005-04:00

via someecards

Someone RSVP'd plus 3.

Um.

Um.

Is this a joke?

Thankfully, we've had a few people ask if they could bring guests first. Asking is good. Kudos to the askers.

But seriously.

We'd love to have everyone come and celebrate our love but unfortunately paying for a wedding & reception is expensive, and even though our wedding is way below the average cost of a New York wedding--it's still a lot of money to us. I know it's going to be a great day for everyone who attends, but I think it would be nice if people would ask first.

We also had someone RSVP for the wrong date. Haha, poor grandma needs to get a new pair of glasses.

I have to say that the invite list and the RSVP are my least favorite parts of this entire process. Not including people doesn't mean that they aren't important to me--but we had to make sure to invite our families (and I have a very large one) and our closest friends and to do this within our budget. If I had all the money in the world the guest list wouldn't be an issue--but I don't.

So Mr. J will be handling this latest RSVP issue (and I should call my grandmother to tell her the correct wedding date).

The Fan Dance

2009-06-03T16:49:00.008-04:00

source

No, not that fan dance. (But if you want to know more about the Burlesque Fan Dance I can help you out with that one. Oh, that's a story for another blog :)

My biceps hurt. Not just from the Samba/Pole dancing classes I am taking. From lugging around heavy cardstock I bought from Staples. Mr. J and I decided that we wanted each guest to have a fan, seeing as how we're getting married outside in August. Our ceremony & reception space is shaded by two beautiful trees, but that doesn't mean it's not going to be hot. At first we were going to do fans and programs, then fans and no programs, and now we are at the fan program idea. I purchased blue cardstock for about $15 from staples (250 sheets, bought 2 packs). We are making 140 fans, possibly more and wanted to have enough paper to do a trial and in case there are any mistakes. I will also buy some purple ribbon to tie around the fan sticks. I had purchased fan sticks previously online (can't remember the website, but I got more than enough for very cheap).

If you're thinking about doing the fan program, either the paddle version like the photo above or the panel fan, visit this DIY website which has great directions and templates! I'm going with the rectangle program because it's the easiest and we can use our paper cutter. I'm also going to use the image I drew of Mr. J and I as a stick-figure bride and groom and mimic our invitations. Our invitation cover has the stick figure drawing of the two of us at the spot we met and underneath it says "Boy Met Girl." The invitation opens up and to a picture of the two of us (yes, I drew myself with locks and bigger boobs than I actually have) dressed as a bride and groom and says, "To read the rest of our story..." and continues with the rest of the text. We are going with a book/literature theme, so I want to continue the invitation drawings onto our fans and have it say "Boy & Girl Marry" (rather than boy marries girl because hey, we're both marrying each other!).

My best friend is coming into town next week from Florida so I'll make sure to put her to work getting started on the fans :)

I'm a Flip-Flopper

2009-05-31T23:08:00.005-04:00

via dollar days

Our dance floor is concrete. I know that I have danced through the pain when I've been at weddings. Instead of having my guests be in pain, I wanted to do the flip-flop basket and I wanted to do it cheap. I found a number of places on-line that were way too expensive, though very beautiful, you could get flip-flops in your wedding colors, with your date printed on them, etc. Old Navy had a $1 flip-flop sale, but customers are limited to 5 per purchase. I did not want to travel around to all the Old Navy's in the City to get flip-flops. I found a wholesale store online and ordered women's flip flops in assorted sizes and colors, about 75 pairs of flip-flops. It will probably be more than enough, but I wanted to make sure that all the ladies are covered and can dance the night away. And all our guests who are coming to the after party can continue to dance well into the night in comfort.

75 days...

2009-05-25T23:16:00.003-04:00

And I am way ahead of The Knot's check list.

More to come soon. Working on the guest book/box. Will take pictures and show you guys soon. We've been getting RSVPs and we're getting pretty excited (and a bit stressed). On Saturday morning I sat Mr. J down and showed him our wedding expenses in an Excel spreadsheet and it was a total downer for him...but he needs to know how much we are spending!

My bridal shower is in three weeks! I'm excited to see my best friend from college and my best friend from high school who will be in town for the weekend. I scheduled my first fitting for the day after the shower so that they could come with me and do some weddingy stuff together. I don't know how we'll make the noon appointment since they are taking me out for a bachelorette party that night, too.

My Frog Prince :)

2009-05-14T20:56:00.004-04:00

I've been wanting cute, non-blurry pics of my ring--and thanks to a tutorial by Anne Ruthmann titled "How to Take Amazing Engagement and Wedding Ring Photos" on Wedding Bee. Here are my first attempts with some of my little figurines that normally reside on our bookcases. The frog prince I've had since college so he's got a few scuff marks and the troll was a gift from my mom from a year or two ago.

Rehearsal Dinner Location, Fort Greene, Brooklyn

2009-05-12T20:05:00.003-04:00

Today Mr. J secured our spot for the rehearsal dinner. I'm excited. It's not a traditional space for a rehearsal dinner--but then again, we're not traditional. We are having it at the South Oxford Space in Fort Greene (just blocks away from where we first met). I've been to the space for dance/musical performances, they also host a number of creative events, luncheons, and cocktail parties, as well as rehearsal space for the art world.

We can't rehearse at Akwaaba because there is a wedding the evening before ours--so we needed to find a space with enough room to do a full rehearsal, but also sit down to have dinner. As you all know, New York City can be very expensive, especially to have 30 people for drinks and dinner. We looked at restaurants and it was a bit pricey--and we wouldn't be able to rehearse. Mr. J's mother is graciously paying for the rental of the space. We can go in and set up for an hour to make things look pretty, they've got tables and chairs, we'll bring in our own food and probably use sternos to keep it warm. We'll also bring in our own drinks. We'll do set-up from 6-6:45 p.m., rehearsal from 7-8 p.m., dinner, toasts, bridal party gifts from 8;10:30 p.m., and clean-up until 11 p.m.

source

Lounge Lizards

2009-05-08T00:11:00.003-04:00

via Taylor Creative

Originally I didn't want a wedding. I wanted to go to the courthouse and then throw a big party for our family and friends...but Mr. J wasn't hearing that. He wanted the wedding. Of course it didn't take much convincing, I said let's go for it. But I didn't want to have tables with assigned seating--I wanted a party. So, we have our cocktail reception. We're having 12 cocktail tables and two small lounge areas, much like the first picture I posted. We're renting with Taylor Creative Props in New York City and are setting it up very similarly, though instead of the square coffee table they have in the photo with the two white benches, we'll be using the round coffee tables from the bottom photo. I love how classy and simplistic this looks. Each coffee table will also have the same centerpiece as the cocktail tables. I like the idea of the bamboo rug below, it would totally match the bamboo mats that are part of our centerpieces, but it's not that serious and that is not in the budget.

The furniture rentals were more than we thought they'd be--but Taylor Creative was the least expensive place I found with the furniture we wanted. I can't wait to see it all put together!

Invitations are out!

2009-05-07T20:40:00.002-04:00

Hooray! We got our invites out before the increase in stamps. The increase wouldn't make that much of a difference in our budget, but saving money is saving money. A couple of issues came up with the invitations:

We printed them ourselves. Letterpress would have been much better for our invites because the ink would have stayed on the paper better. Ours didn't--don't worry everyone got invites they can read, haha--we just had to be really careful when making them so as not to rub the ink off. They still look cute, not awesome, but cute. I have pictures but I have to figure out to put a little black bar over our contact information. Once I figure that out, I will post them.

Sealing our envelopes was a little weird. I didn't want to lick them all, but I tried the sponge method and it practically wiped off the adhesive. So, licking it was. I left a Facebook comment to all my friends saying I hope I don't die like Susan, George Costanza's fiancee who died from licking her invitation envelopes. Classic Seinfeld. We worked it out.

We wrote the addresses out with a silver glitter pen. So, some of the envelopes got a little smudged. I even smudged the President's envelope a little.

And you know what? I don't even care. I'm just so excited that they are finally done and in the mail! It's all coming together. Hooray!

My Last 100 Days

2009-05-05T01:52:00.004-04:00

There's all this talk about President Obama's first 100 days, but can we talk about ME and my last (less than 100 days)?

I feel like I should make some promises:

I vow not to become a bridezilla as things get a bit more hectic in these coming months (like being in LA for two weeks for school at the end of June--hello that is vital wedding planning time!)
I vow to exercise daily (for my 31st bday I promised myself to do an hour of cardio a day)
I vow to eat right, but give myself rewards every now and again
I vow to ask for help!!!!

Invitations go out this week before the post office raises the rates. Mr. J has to finish addressing his invites (we did it separately, even though I offered to address them all because I've got skillz). He says he'll finish them tonight. He better.

I found out three people from my side can't come--my cousins who live in Atlanta and my bridesmaid's girlfriend--these are all people we want to be there on that day, but understand the circumstances. I've had to switch out some envelopes, so it's a good thing we bought an extra box.

I'm curious as to how many people will actually be there to witness our day. I'm getting more excited about it, especially now that we are in the two-digit numbers.

Friday was my birthday! Hooray! Mr. J surprised me with sapphire earrings and a matching necklace :) Very pretty and they complement my engagement ring. Which reminds me I need to buy his wedding band. We're also going to a day spa for a full day of pampering. He said he had to step up his gifts from boyfriend gifts to husband gifts. I like his way of thinking :)

Black Love in the New York Times

2009-05-04T15:41:00.004-04:00

I had to post this article here--not only is it a sweet story about a couple falling madly in love, it also features my friend/former co-worker. Ain't love grand?

Weddings/Celebrations

Wedding Day Waxing...

2009-04-29T01:41:00.003-04:00

I know what you're thinking. I'm not talking about that kind of waxing. Although that kind of waxing will be taken care of...but I'm talking about my fingers. Yes, I have always been a hairy goonie goo goo. And I've always had hairy fingers, but they've never bothered me...and they still don't. However, when Mr. J and I went to pick out my wedding band, he took some extreme close up photos and when I showed the pictures around most of the comments were about my hairy fingers and how I should wax for the wedding. So, I've been peer pressured into it and I'm sure it will look way better in the photos. Here's my ring, please ignore the hairy fingers :P

Akwaaba means "Welcome," Come on in!

2009-04-25T13:05:00.007-04:00

This is more of Akwaaba, which means "Welcome" in the Akan language of Ghana. We had our walk-through with the caterer and I took some more pictures.

Sun porch, I'm expecting all the old folks to hang here.

This is the courtyard--now imagine it decorated, it's pretty raw
right now except for the wonderful trees.

This picture is from the summer, so you'll see

how the trees bloom with leaves
providing full shade.

Bridesmaid Dresses/Best Woman Dress

2009-04-24T17:58:00.003-04:00

Here's a preview of the dresses my bridesmaids will be wearing. I originally wanted them to each wear a different dress, but two of my bridesmaids ended up liking the same dress so things shifted. I LOVE purple, but originally I was going to have the girls wear Marine Blue (DB's Navy Blue) dresses with a Victorian Lilac sash, because I figured that's a color that could be worn again should they choose to wear the dresses again. They liked the Lilac better. So this is an example of the Victorian Lilac dress. (All images below from David's Bridal)

This dress below is what two of the bridesmaids will be wearing, with the Marine sash.

Here's the dress the other two picked out, also with Marine Sash:

I have two Maids of Honor, my sister and my best friend from college. One is wearing the halter and the other is wearing the scoopneck, but they will both have the Marine Blue underskirt that peeks out to set them slightly apart.

This dress below is the one Mr. J's Best Woman will be wearing. I love that it has the cummerbund look to it in the middle. Mr. J and I went with her to pick out dresses and this one looked awesome on her. Of course it will also be in Victorian Lilac.

111 days to go!

2009-04-19T21:14:00.004-04:00

We've come so far! And we've done a lot in the past two weeks:

We wrote our ceremony script and met with our officiant (friend) so that he could fill in the ad-libbed parts. It's going to be awesome and people are going to cry :)

We met with our caterer for a walk-through of our space and I feel more assured and less worried about how the actual day is going to go. (Still praying for no rain, I really don't want to have to get a tent).

All the paper is cut for our invitations thanks to Mr. J who spent 5 hours using the cutter, the next day he was sore!

Guest book is in the works--I'm using library pockets and cards glued into a nice album, it's going to be "The Book of Love" and we'll say something like "Check out The Book of Love," tee hee, get it? Check Out, get it? Because of the library, book thing...ok I think you get it.

We received the fan sticks to make the paper fans for every guest.

Invitation party is next Saturday and the invites will go out the first week of May to beat the postal hike.

OHHHH, Mr. J and I went to get my wedding band. Love it! Mr. J's ring is in the works, he likes simple things, so he's going with a Tungsten band--it's going to be pretty inexpensive.

All of my bridesmaids officially have their dresses! Well, 3 of them have them in hand and the other one, one of maids of honor, just bought hers this weekend.

Ordered the Cupcake Tree to hold our cupcakes

Ordered the bamboo mats from Bed, Bath, and Beyond that we are using underneath the centerpieces.

I need to post pics of my wedding band, the bridesmaid dresses, the cupcake tree, the guestbook...and I will just as soon as I stop being lazy about finding the USB cord for the camera.

This is totally NOT wedding related but I had a great day at my cousin's christening today, besides seeing his cute little butterball self in his little outfit, but David Dinkins was there and then at the steakhouse we went to afterwards, Harry Belafonte was there (although he looked really old and it made me a little sad) and someone told me I look like Kerry Washington. Good Sunday!

Because Listening is an Act of Love

2009-04-08T13:27:00.002-04:00

On Saturday, Mr. J and I did something wonderful. I don't know if you've heard about StoryCorps, but it is this great non-profit organization that is recording oral histories. They've been doing this since 2003 and it's nice to know that thousands of people have participated; future generations will be able to go to the Library of Congress and the Smithsonian to look up their family members and hear their voices.

StoryCorps is basically a conversation between two people. One person is the storyteller and one person is the interviewer and a 40-minute conversation is recorded. They provide a general list of questions, but the interviewer can ask anything. Lots of interesting things came out of that conversation with Mr. J and I, things I never knew about. I asked him questions like: What was the first thing he noticed about me when we met?, When did he know he loved me?, What is his favorite memory of me?, What do you think our lives will look like in 5 and 10 years?, and What are you most proud of me for?

I loved hearing his answer about what he's proud of me for. Throughout the whole 40 minutes we were laughing and kept smiling at each other, the kind of smile where your mouth hurts after awhile. While we were recording, there is a StoryCorps administrator who sits in the booth so that she can write down key words of the conversation to make it easier to find in the Library of Congress. You don't have to have your story go to the Library of Congress, but we loved that idea. For people of African descent, the Smithsonian is doing an oral history project, so we also released our story to go there.

I'm excited by the possibility of my children's children going to the Smithsonian to hear their grandparents talking about love.

I think it would be a good thing for couples to take a look at some of the questions on the StoryCorps website and ask that of each other. You'll probably be pleasantly surprised by the answers that come up, in fact Mr. J and I want to take time out of every month to ask each other questions like these.

Sneak Peek at the Invitation Drawing

2009-04-07T21:19:00.005-04:00

Yes, please admire my stick-figure skillz, y'all. If you've seen our engagement photos, then you know that this is the spot where Mr. J and I met. I was wearing boots and he was wearing Converse. I wasn't wearing a dress, but I thought I should look cute on the invitation. Check out my afro-puff. We loved the idea of stick figures on our invites, but none of the stick figure invitations we saw online were personalized.

I wanted a Gocco--but that was a no go (I couldn't help rhyming). I wasn't trying to spend a ton of money, but I am slightly jealous of what a Gocco can do. And we didn't want to spend a lot of money (105 invites) on all the beautiful invites we saw online and in stores. So we did DIY with what we could afford. This drawing appears on the front of the invitation which then opens to another stick-figure drawing of us as a bride and groom (and me with my current hairdo) and the invitation text. Mr. J printed out all the paper for the invites and created a prototype. It's so awesome! I can't wait until we can send them out (beginning of May).

I'll show you the finished invite after our invitation-making party.

You Betta Work!

2009-04-07T20:51:00.007-04:00

Cue Ru-Paul, because I better be one fierce looking diva on my wedding day. But in order to look my best, there are things to be done. I joined a gym today! Woohoo! I don't like the gym--but this gym is close to my job (5 blocks away, right near the subway) and my problem in the past with gyms is that they've never been close to either home or work. And that's when the laziness sets in. This gym is so close I can go on my lunch break if I'm feeling really adventurous. No contract!

Yesterday at work a co-worker complimented me on my skin, she said it looked so clear. I've been getting those comments a lot lately. Sometimes it's hard, I thought my pimple days would be over at 30 (almost 31) but I get them. I've been using Neutrogena's SkinID for a few months and it's made a major difference. Thanks, Neutrogena!

The other thing I just started using is Clinique's Skin Tone Corrector, I saw an ad for it in Essence, read pages and pages of reviews and decided, this is the one for me. They say it takes 4 wks to notice a difference and I'm only on week two--but we'll see what happens in a couple of weeks. I have a few dark spots that I'm trying to get rid of, old acne scars, they've been fading slowly with time, but hopefully this will speed up the process.

Biore's Dual Fusion Moisturizer and Sunscreen with spf 30 is awesome. I started using sunscreen a while back as part of my daily routine. Yes, it's true that "black don't crack" and I'm trying to keep it that way. I used to use spf 15, but I decided to step it up to 30 because hmm, well I'm about to be over 30 and I want to take good care of my skin. I've also started taking my vitamins (regularly).

Hopefully I will have abs and arms of steel and skin as clear as a beautiful summer day on the day I marry my man. It's funny because I ask him if he noticed a difference...and he didn't notice any "issues" to begin with. He's a sweet liar :)

Frappuccino Centerpieces

2009-04-03T21:51:00.006-04:00

I love it when an idea happens organically. Mr. J and I were out shopping and picked up some snacks from Duane Reade (like CVS but only in NYC). I picked up one of these tasty treats (although I shouldn't be drinking these because I have weight to lose for the wedding). I like to peel labels off of bottles, it's just something I do. After peeling the label I looked at the bottle, looked at Mr. J and said, "How about these instead of mason jars?" It looks like a small milk bottle with the label peeled off. He likey. He really likey.

So now I have an actual reason to drink my frapps. I'll just start walking up the stairs at work, that should do the trick.

While looking for a photo of the bottle I learned that I am not brilliant. Apparently other people have thought of similar uses for these cute little bottles. I guess I can still be brilliant. Great minds think alike, right?

A recap, we are having cocktail tables and a couple of coffee tables for the reception. My friends and I are going to sew square mats for the center of the tables that match our colors (purple and blue), on top of the mats will be a framed wedding photos of our favorite couples (friends & family), a small stack of books wrapped in ribbon (for our mutual love of literature), and a small glass vase with lavender.

I'm officially over eloping. I've calmed down. I can't wait to marry my man in front of my family and friends.

My Hot Mama

2009-04-03T21:27:00.003-04:00

After some catfish and rum punch, my mom, sister (MOH), and my mom's friend went to check out Michael Shane Bridal, located in Fort Greene, Brooklyn. This shopping experience was so much better than the previous shopping experience we had on the hunt for a Mother of the Bride dress. Previously we checked out Lord & Taylor's, Bloomingdale's, Saks Fifth Avenue, and Macy's.

Here's a question I need to pose to designers. Why do mother of the bride dresses have to look so matronly? Luckily going to a bridal store had much better options than the large department stores. My mom tried on bridesmaid dresses. Let me tell you about my mom, most of my life people have asked me if she was my older sister. She's young and she's hot. So, yes, I want my mom to look hot. She has great legs and I think she should show them off. Her friends keep telling her that as the mother of the bride she should wear a gown. Rules, schmules. Tradition, schmadition. I could care less! At Michael Shane my mom tried on about 10 dresses and we found so many we loved. There were two she liked that I took out of the running because they looked similar to the dress that Mr. J's best woman is going to wear.

I'm glad that's finally done!

Other things that were accomplished: I drew our stick figures and scanned them in so that Mr. J could design them. Once we settled on stick figures it was important to me that we drew them because the stick figure invitations I saw had blonde brides or straight haired brides. I wanted our stick figures to look like us, I drew an image of the day we met when I had my cute afro puff, and then for the inside an image of us as the bride and groom with my current locked style. It's really cute. This weekend Mr. J will finish up, we'll do a test print next week and full print towards the end of the week. We're heading over to my friend's house to do the cutting because she has one of those industrial paper cutty thingys.

I started our registration. We've been SO BEHIND on registering and it's harder than I thought. I started with Target, I had fun adding board games to our registry. Can't wait to get Scrabble and Taboo. I wonder if other brides register for board games. Ha.

Wedding band shopping next Friday. That's all I can think of right now. Say Yes to the Dress is about to come on, so I have to go watch my wedding porn.

Elope Part II

2009-03-27T00:19:00.003-04:00

Thanks to the J. Bride and God's Favorite Shoes for commenting on the first post titled Elope.

I decided to delete that entry because this blog is not as private as it should be. And I don't want to make a stressful situation even more stressful--but I needed to get that off my chest and DAMN it felt so good. Maybe I will start another blog, completely anonymous, where I just say everything I want to say with no consequences.

I'm feeling a little better now, thanks to my awesome friends. Also thanks to my shoes, which I picked up this evening from my friend. I had them shipped to her house and they are super comfortable and so sexy. I have to practice walking in them because I don't normally wear heels, but the shoes are awesome.

I still suggest eloping, or making sure to have the wedding you want and repeating the mantra "Thanks for sharing your opinion, and now back to the bride and groom" take everything people say, save the stuff you like and throw out the rest.

I'm also saying a couple of "Woosas," "Kumbayas," and "Nam Myoho Renge Kyos" to chillax. If I had to do all over again, I'd go get married on a beach somewhere, just Mr. J and I, have it recorded, come back home and show it to friends and family as a sort of "coming out" as Mr. & Mrs. J party. But I'm sure our wedding will be awesome, just as long as I can keep focused on OUR vision and not worry about anyone else's.

The Veil is in the Mail!

2009-03-18T17:29:00.008-04:00

These are pics of my custom order birdcage veil from Luminoussoul on Etsy. I can't wait to get it and try it on. This came out better than I expected and I love the addition of the pearls (I'll be wearing pearl earrings) and the ivory to match my dress, lilac and navy blue to match our wedding colors. When I got the email from her saying it was ready, I instantly told Mr. J. He said, "WHAT? You got a veil?!!!" He knows I don't like veils, he's not a big fan either. Mr. J doesn't have the best memory (which works in my favor a lot), so he forgot that I showed him a picture of the birdcage veil and told him that I was getting one custom made. When he saw the pics he said, "Oh, ok. This is definitely your style." Hooray!

After a long search for cute purple heels (Have you guessed? Purple is my favorite color), these are the ones below.

via Shoeline.com

Do Me a Favor...

2009-03-13T14:08:00.008-04:00

If you're reading this and you're one of my friends who's wedding I've been to--I apologize for what I'm about to say.

Does anyone really remember/keep wedding favors? Two weddings I've been to gave tasty snacks, so I remember where those went--in my belly. One wedding gave homemade honey, said honey is also in my belly (and I think I used some for my hair, too.) But other than that--the other favors are gone. Either shoved in a box somewhere or thrown out during one of my apartment moves when I was trying to lighten the load.

I do want to give my guests a favor, something nice to take home with them. But I don't want to spend a ton of money for something that could potentially be shoved inside a box. Mr. J and I already decided we didn't want to give food as a favor. At first he really wanted to do a CD, and burn them all himself, when I reminded him of how much work that would be, he was totally cool with my idea of doing a bookmark. Our invitation looks similar to a little book, I want our programs to look like a book, and we're using books on the cocktail tables, all to celebrate our mutual love of the English language and literature.

I googled photo bookmarks and this favor came up. Best friend liked it, so did Mr. J., and I was like okay--even though in the back of my mind I was thinking, "This is cheesy and these darn things are too small." Plus, the cost would be about $250.

via My Wedding Favors

Then I thought about how we print bookmarks at my job sometimes as marketing materials. BINGO! Why not get one of those nice heavy cardstock bookmark thingys from a printer, we can put more pictures of us on the front, use any colors we want, and I was thinking of putting a nice quote on the back. This way we can design it however the hell we want and it will be about $40 for 250 bookmarks. Hopefully people will actually use this bookmark, BUT if they don't, if they just stick it in a box and call it a day, it won't be such a big waste of money. I showed Mr. J this option and he loves it so much more. So now we have to work hard on designing the actual bookmark--this is where the geek of the relationship (Mr. J) comes in, because he knows how to do all that handy dandy fancy schmancy stuff on the computer.

via Next Day Flyers

5 Month Freakout!!!

2009-03-12T00:28:00.004-04:00

I got a message from The Knot this week informing me that I have 5 months until I tie that knot.

WHAT THE WHAT???

There's still so much to do!

Here's what we have done:
Ceremony and Reception Location (Akwaaba Mansion)
Caterer (The Fork Goes on the Left)
Officiant
Ceremony and "Cocktail Hour" Music
Bridesmaids Dresses (except for one person)
Wedding Dress
Bought the paper for DIY Invitations
Guest list
Photographer!!!!
Wedding website
Cupcakes for wedding cake (Wendy's Cake Art)
Picked out our favors
Picked out flowers for bouquets, bouts & decorations

What we need to do: (in no particular order)
Find a rehearsal dinner location
Put the invitations together
Purchase the wine
Order Groom and Groomsmen Attire
Ring bearer and Flower girls attire
Stuff our engagement photos into our favors
Pick out gifts for Bridal Party
Get engagement photo book made
Walk-through of space with caterer
Find an after-party location
Find an after-party dress!
Find purple shoes!!!! (this should be at the top of the list!)
Rent lounge furniture
Look into tents
Buy mason jars for centerpieces
Get photos of all our friends/family who are married for centerpiece frames
Buy LED lights
Make garland for tree we are getting married in front of
Hotels for guests
Buy wedding bands

WOW--so much to do, so little time. I also have all my stuff due for grad school and I'll be away for two weeks in June. BUT LUCKILY--Mr. J is a teacher, so when school is out at the end of June--he will be available to 24/7 during crunch time, which is awesome. Right after we got engaged he was still out on summer vacation so he did a lot of the initial legwork, scouting locations, etc. He'll also be home to receive all the packages I know we are sure to be getting because we will be ordering stuff online.

I am totally freaking out. My best friend is telling me not to. But, yes...I am TOTALLY freaking out. So happy to be marrying Mr. J, but AAAAAAAAAAAHHH, there is so much to do.

Okay, time for a late night brownie.

It's a Family Affair: Part Two

2009-03-05T21:26:00.007-05:00

Mr. J and I in hats as part of Nisha's Hat Series

Me and my girls for Nisha's Hat Series

Is it vain to love all these different pictures of Mr. J and I together? (And this picture of my back, I think my arms look deceptively toned.)

The photo above was taken by another lovely and talented lady I love, Nisha Sondhe. She has been shooting a series of photos of her friends in hats on Polaroid film. She's also been advising me on a poetry and photography exhibition I've been working on for what seems like forever called Scar Stories. Nisha took some beautiful photos of me and a number of other people for the project. And can I talk to you about her Bombay v New York series? Beautiful shots, it's as close as I'll get to seeing Bombay for now. Just go look at her site and see for yourself! www.nishasondhe.com

YES, Nisha is our wedding photographer. Score! Um, and did I mention that she's shooting for $Free.99 as in this is our wedding gift from her. The pictures are going to be amazing because she's an amazing photographer. I heart her photos.

Do I have the coolest friends in the world or do I have the coolest friends in the world?

It's a Family Affair

2009-03-04T10:56:00.007-05:00

Check this video out!

Brazz Tree is amazing. I love this video, I've loved their music since I first started going to see them and Mr. J loves them, too. But not only do we love their music, we love them! One half of Brazz Tree is our lovely and talented friend Mazz. Mazz will be playing our ceremony music and I've left her with creative control for the music, the only instructions I've given her is I want different and more dramatic music played for me. I trust her, seriously, this woman has skills on the violin. Her husband is our officiant! Brazz Tree will be playing a few selections during our "cocktail hour" (it's not really a cocktail hour since our whole reception is a cocktail reception, but we need time to reset the outside after the ceremony). Mr. J and I want to take our pictures before the ceremony because we don't want to miss their performance! We'll probably take a few right after, but we're going to make it snappy.

The lovely belly dancer in the video is Oya aka Allisyn (Mazz's sister) and the man behind the camera who shot the video is Jake. Allisyn and Jake are introducing Mr. J and I for the first time as a couple during the reception. So you see--we like to keep it in the family.

La-La-Lavender Love

2009-03-03T20:03:00.008-05:00

Urban Lavender

Anyone who knows me in real life, knows that I love myself some purple. Any shade is fine with me. The bridesmaid gals and best woman are wearing lilac dresses and I've been trying to figure out my bouquet and decorating scheme for awhile, going back and forth between different ideas until I saw this board at Snippet & Ink. Not only is the lavender plant my favorite color, it smells good, too! Score!

Look at the mason jar with lavender in it. Check, that's going on the tables. Look at the little bit of lavender on the napkin, check, that's going to be the boutonnieres for the guys. Look at the lavender bouquet, CHECK!

I've been scouring online and found the site Lavender Fanatic (sounds like me!) So here are a few things I've found that I totally want to order for the wedding AND it's within budget. (All photos below come from the Lavender Fanatic website.)

This is the bouquet above is supposed to be for bridesmaids, but I don't like the bigger one they have for the bride, I'm not a fan of big bouquets. One thing I want to do (and I'm borrowing this idea from my best friend) is to make my bouquet a little different from the bridesmaids by sticking in some blue feathers (our colors are blue and purple). My birdcage veil will have feathers in it, too, so it all will be pulled together. My dress also comes with a bolero jacket that I'm not going to wear, so I was thinking of taking some of that lace and wrapping it around the bottom of the bouquet.

This bouquet above is what I'd want for the bridesmaids. Lavender Fanatic has the option of different bows, so I'd go with the blue bow for the bridesmaids so that both of the colors are represented.

Lavender Fanatic sells these mini bouquets by 10, so that takes care of the groom (I'll probably add a feather to the groom's bout to match my bouquet) and the groomsmen and both our fathers. I'll wrap the bottom of the bouquets in floral tape and ribbon (don't like those little bows for the guys.)

They even have loose lavender, which I may even get for the flower girls to throw to keep the whole flower theme together. I'm going to get some lavender bunches to go in the centerpieces.

We are having cocktail tables, so I don't want a grand centerpiece. Our centerpieces will be the mason jar with lavender in it, a couple of books of poetry (which people can take with them once the night ends) wrapped in kraft paper, and a framed photo of some of our friends and family who are married. Still trying to figure out what I will do in terms of light on the tables, I'm thinking a short cream colored candle that we'll burn prior to the reception so that there is some wax dripping down. I love the way that looks, very romantic.

And my mommy loves the idea! It's a good thing because she's paying for the flowers! Originally I was ready to go to the market on the day before and get whatever purple flowers there and make the bouquets. I don't want to spend a lot of money on flowers, and even though my mom offered to pay for the flowers (she offered to pay for a few things: my dress, flowers, and our cupcakes) I don't want her to spend a lot of money on flowers either. With lavender, the problem is solved AND we can save the lavender after the wedding to make potpourri--it lasts for a long time.

You can't go wrong with purple (lavender).

My Best Friend's Wedding

2009-03-01T15:31:00.007-05:00

Me and the Mrs.

My best friend is officially married! Her and her husband tied the knot on Saturday, February 21st in Puerto Rico. Yup, best friends getting married the same year. We didn't plan it that way. She met her man first. She was engaged first. We're both dating men who are four years younger than us! We both lived with our men before tying the knot. There are a lot of similarities and parallels in our lives and I'm so thankful that she has planned her wedding first so that now she can help me, haha. She should've had a blog for all those Latina brides to be out there. She had a lot of wonderful cultural aspects to her wedding--the food was authentic Puerto Rican food, right down to the pig on the spit (yummy pig!), the plena band, the coquito (an alcoholic drink that looks like pina colada), the yummy merengue favors, and the garter belt with the Puerto Rican flag on it.

The wedding was beautiful and there were many tears shed. And now she is officially my Matron of Honor. The word "matron" sounds so old. I was her maid of honor, along with her sister who was the Madrina of the wedding (they don't really do the whole "maid of honor" in PR). I'm doing the same thing--my sister is also my maid of honor.

But back to the wedding--it was awesome! I was so tired, though. The bridesmaid dress wasn't too tight (I gained a little weight since I bought it in April), but the shoes hurt something awful. Thank the Lord I brought flip flops with me for later.

Boricua, Morena (okay reverse that)

The wedding ceremony was in Spanish, so thankfully we rehearsed the day before so that I had my cues when to sit and stand. I have a basic comprehension of Spanish, and am used to people speaking Spanish around me. I can usually get the gist of conversations, but speeches and sermons are a different story. At the reception, the best man did his speech in Spanish and although I couldn't understand it, it was so touching to watch him cry while giving the speech. I didn't cry when I gave my speech! Which is surprising to me because every time I sat down to write it, I got teary-eyed. Is this what happens when you get older? I never used to get so teary-eyed and now I could be watching a touching commercial and the water works start. I thought I would cry, but I didn't--probably because of the nerves. But she cried! Woohoo! Yes, I am happy that I made her cry. That means I've got skillz, y'all!

I wanted to share my speech with you--maybe you'll cry, who knows?

"Hello everyone. For those of you who don’t know, Mrs. C and I met in our freshman year at college. Over these past 13 years we’ve shared the laughter, tears, and growing pains of becoming women. We’ve become more than friends, Mrs. C is my sister, my heart, and I’d do anything for her.

It’s because Mrs. C is the most caring person I know, always ready to put the needs of those she loves before herself. It’s because Mrs. C is passionate, when she loves something or someone she gives all of her heart. It’s because Mrs. C is strong, like her mother. And don’t let the little package she comes in fool you. Mrs. C is definitely someone you want to have in your corner.

Over the years I’ve hoped and wished for Mrs. C to be blessed with a man with these three qualities, someone caring, someone passionate, and someone strong. It takes a very special man to be with a woman like Mrs. C. Mr. C is the man I’d been hoping would come along. In Mr. C she’s found someone who’s not afraid of her strength, she’s found someone who, when she’s tired of being strong, is there as her rock. In Mr. C she’s found someone just as passionate and caring. When I first met Mr. C it was so obvious to me how much he loves Mrs. C, I’ve never seen a man love her the way that Mr. C does.

For Valentine’s day last year Mr. C bought me a plane ticket to take a trip with Mrs. C here to Puerto Rico to do some girly wedding planning. Mrs. C and I don’t get to see each other too often and he wanted her to have some bonding time with her best friend. In my book, any man who gives such thoughtful and heartfelt gifts, especially gifts that include me, is a keeper. And Mr. C, just remember that Mrs. C and I were supposed to take a trip together this year to celebrate our 30th birthdays—but we couldn’t because you guys were getting married. So start saving up for our 35th!

I know that Mrs. C and I, our friendship will continue to grow and last a lifetime. I know that Mr. and Mrs. C are going to grow old and gray together. You guys faced many obstacles to get to this day, including the flooding of your condo, but all of these things were a test: there’s nothing that the two of you can’t get through together. Remember the vows that have united you today and remember to never let anything come between the unit that has been formed today. And remember that you are both loved, Mr. C for loving Mrs. C the way you do, I love you. And Mrs. C, my best friend, I love you. Congratulations!"

Well, the roles will soon be reversed. I will probably cry when she gives her speech to me, but I'm willing to bet that she's going to cry, too. Bring on the waterproof mascara!

Pre-Marital Counseling?

2009-02-28T22:00:00.004-05:00

Mr. J and I are both children of divorced parents--well, technically, my parents are divorced and his parents have been separated for years--so getting married is a big step for the both of us. I never thought I would get married. Now, I wasn't one of those women who thought there were no good black men left--but it is kind of hard out there!

Let me repeat: I never thought I would get married. Sure, I'd thought about it, but it was never something that seemed within reach. Not even when Mr. J and I first started dating. On our second date we had the marriage talk (YES, our second date) and he told me that he was not going to be getting married. At the time I thought, yeah, I don't want to get married either. Later on in our relationship he said that he would get married if the woman he was in love with needed that. And I thought, I'd never want someone to marry me because they think I need it.

So now we're here--we're getting married. A big step for both of us and we're doing it with both eyes open. I know this may sound cliche but we want this marriage to last. I feel like marriage has become this thing that people do to have a big party and then a year or two later they're divorced. That sucks! I know they probably don't think they'll be divorced that soon--but if you look closely at the relationship, there were cracks already starting to form. This is not a starter marriage for us, this is it. This is it.

Mr. J and I are trying to get some pre-marital counseling. We want to be armed with the tools before we get married--there's room for improvement in every relationship and we both are really excited about strengthening our bond--even if that means getting into some heavy stuff.

I also know that in the black community there's still this stigma attached to counseling--you know, we don't air our dirty secrets--but it's when we get them out in the open that everything becomes clean.

What do you think about pre-marital counseling? Or counseling in general?

I LOVE our engagement photos!

2009-02-23T21:35:00.007-05:00

We had a lot of fun playing around.

This race helped warm us up in the 40 degree weather.

I like this shot a lot. Just don't look to close because my hands look ashy. (It's from being out in the cold for three hours).

He wanted to spin me around but my crack was showing!

We decided to wear our Barack the Vote t-shirts because we met on an election day.

As New Yorkers, we've got to have the subway shot.

And this is the spot where we met. He came up to me and asked if I liked jazz. Awwww.

So the pictures were taken by our friend Richard Louissaint. Check his blog for more of our pictures. Mr. J's mom was visiting with us for the weekend and was behind the scenes holding our bags. She's such a trooper! We want to get a book done of our favorite photos and get some prints for our families. We're both ecstatic about the photos because they are exactly what we wanted, casual, fun, romantic, and in Brooklyn!

Making the Ceremony Your Own

2009-02-17T22:34:00.003-05:00

We all know how it goes: Do you (blank) take (blank) to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold from this day forward? Blah Blah Blah. No offense to anyone who goes the traditional route. Traditional works, obviously because it's still used the majority of the time. But it doesn't work for Mr. J and I. We are not the average bride and groom. And as major literary lovers, we've got to throw in some of our favorites.

Because our ceremony is going to be officiated by one of our friends, who is an ultracool and eclectic kinda guy--we want it to be all us. I've been looking at a number of different authors and poets, I want to throw in some of The Prophet by Khalil Gibran

"if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving; To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy; To return home at eventide with gratitude; And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips."

Aaaah, I love that. There's also something I read, from Still Life with Woodpecker by Tom Robbins, I don't necessarily want to use his exact words, but I think it would be cool to have our officiant talk about love and then ask this question and we can use this as a template to fill in our own quirky things from our relationship as a way of making love stay:

"Who knows how to make love stay?

1. Tell love you are going to Junior’s Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if love stays, it can have half. It will stay.

2. Tell love you want a momento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a mustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.

3. Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning."

Yes, love will be there in the morning. So, we are going to have our officiant open the ceremony by welcoming everyone and really thanking them for being there. He's going to talk a little about love and marriage (go together like a horse and carriage) and we'll have three readings. Two from Mr. J's side and one from mine. We'll do our vows, which we write personally, and our ring ceremony which we also write with our officiant, we also want community vows to ask of the guests, we kiss, and then we jump the broom.

As a poet, my vows will most likely be poetic, although this is a lot of pressure! But we are both great writers and I'm sure we'll come up with something that makes the other cry. (He better cry!)

To Veil or Not to Veil?

2009-01-29T18:58:00.005-05:00

I am not a fan of veils. They look great on other people, but not me. I just don't like them. One thing a lot of people say about wedding planning is "It's tradition," when I ask why something has to be done. You don't really have to do anything because it's a tradition if it's not true to your personality (unless someone is footing the bill and would like that done).

But then I started seeing pictures of brides with birdcage veils. And I think they are the cutest thing ever. I am a big fan of supporting independent and handmade crafts. I headed over to Etsy to see if I could find a unique birdcage veil and saw this beautiful one pictured below. I contacted the designer and asked her if she could make me a custom veil using the colors from the wedding and the color of my dress--lilac, navy blue, and ivory. She said yes! Woo hoo! How hot am I going to be on my wedding day?

via luminoussoul's etsy page

The Most Awesomest Awesome Caterer Ever

2009-01-26T20:34:00.003-05:00

I know the title of this particular blog is not grammatically correct but I am so friggin excited about our awesome caterer Mellanee Harvin of The Fork Goes On the Left. (Check out her site!) Mr. J, my mom, mom's boyfriend, and I visited with Mellanee on Saturday for a tasting of the menu we had agreed on.

For our cocktail hour we are having cheese, crackers, fruit, and a signature drink. After this the guests will go back out into the courtyard for an amazing cocktail reception. The passed h'or deurves are: buttermilk fried chicken skewers, catfish fingers with remoulade sauce, mini crab cakes with chipotle mayo, and caramelized onion and smoked gouda quesadillas. Mellanee began the tasting with the crab cakes and I ate most of them, I wish I could describe how they tasted in words...hmmm maybe orgasmic? Next were the fried chicken skewers. These were so good that Mr. J said that if I wanted to ensure that our relationship will last a lifetime then I need to learn how to make fried chicken like that. The quesadillas were also amazing. The only one we didn't taste were the catfish fingers, but believe me at the time we didn't miss them we were sooo stuffed.

Next came the salad, dinner rolls, and then the three different pastas we'll have available for the buffet dinner. Pasta with salmon in a cajun cream sauce, pasta bolognese, and pasta with pesto and summer vegetables. I loved them all but my favorite is the salmon, Mr. J's favorite is the the pasta with the meat sauce. Can I tell you the best part about all of this? She gave us tupperware with the remaining pasta to take home. We devoured that over the weekend.

Our guests are going to be nice and fed and in foodie heaven.

My mom asked us to move the wedding date up so that she can have Mellanee's food sooner. I wish.

Tattoo Cover-ups?

2009-01-22T23:39:00.005-05:00

At the beach displaying my ink

I love my tattoos. And for this reason I was a little offended when I was watching my weekly installment of We Go Bridal Night on WE-TV. It was the show "My Fair Wedding" with David Tutera. I'll admit I love this show and I love what David does, it's no wonder he's a celebrity event planner. BUT. I did not like the way he reacted when he saw Mandy's tattoos. He eventually had an airbrush artist come cover up her tattoos for the ceremony and then take the airbrush off for the reception.

If she wanted to cover up her tattoos, then so be it. But he acted like he never saw a bride with tattoos before and like it was the most horrible thing in the world for a bride to walk down the aisle with tattoos. I originally planned to have a strapless wedding dress, and though I do have that style dress, it also came with a little lace bolero jacket. I may or may not wear it to walk down the aisle...but only because it came with the whole ensemble. Though I may write the whole bit of lace off because the jacket is too big for me and that would mean more alterations on top of the wedding dress. So, my tattoos will most likely be displayed for all to see on my wedding day, just like they were the night of our engagement party. I'm trying to imagine the faces as they watch my back while I say my vows. Lots of people don't know about the large tattoos on my back, but they are a part of me and this bride is going to have her fair wedding with plenty of ink on display.

What do you think? Would you cover your tattoo on your wedding day? Would you make your bridesmaids cover their tattoos?

If you want to check out plenty of brides rocking their wedding days with tats, visit Offbeat Bride.

Are Diamonds a Black Girl’s Best Friend?

2009-01-22T22:19:00.012-05:00

My ring (a little blurry)

You know the tagline, “a diamond is forever,” and I’ll admit the sparkle and shine puts a smile on this girl’s face. But then I think about blood diamonds. I’m sure everyone knows about this, maybe you’ve read an article or saw that movie with Leonardo DiCaprio and his fake accent. As a Black woman (just so you know I don’t call myself African American) there is a special place in my heart for mother Africa. It’s where life began and where so many of us can trace ancestry to. I’ve never been there, but it’s a trip I plan to take one day. I would never want to wear a rock that paid for civil war, torture, and the death of Africans just trying to make ends meet for their families.

Also, I’ve always loved color and diamonds, no matter how sparkly, well, they’re clear. So I decided I wanted a sapphire, as my jeweler sang to me, “Sapphires are eternal” (he was trying to do a remake of the “Diamonds are forever” song for me). I wanted a ring that looked antique, an art deco style. The setting I chose included space for small diamonds. And the small diamonds looked awesome! Ugh, pulling at my heart strings. Africans or Diamonds? Our wonderful jeweler is a longtime friend of a family member and assured us that the diamonds used in my ring are conflict-free, blood free. I’m going to believe him. They’re small (Ok, that’s what I tell myself).

I’ve read about the Kimberley Process, which countries join to certify that the diamonds they are selling are conflict free. But this is not a law, it’s an agreement. I’ll admit I don’t know all the facts, but I know that I don’t trust DeBeers. It sounds like the Kimberley Process is a start, but won’t really solve the issue at hand, there needs to be law and tough consequences, not just being removed as a member from the process, sure it means you can’t trade with other members, but there’s always someone willing to do something underhanded and get those diamonds.

I just wonder if anyone else thinks about things like this. I stare at my hand sometimes and hope that whoever mined these diamonds was not at war, was not harmed, and the money they made helped put food on their table and clothes on their children.

THE Poster Couple...

2009-01-21T21:45:00.003-05:00

via the telegraph

Man, this should have been my first post. I remember the first time I saw Michelle Obama on stage, I thought, "Damn, there's gonna be a sister with a booty in the White House." That may not seem like a big thing, but as a sister with a booty, this is a BIG thing :)

I voted for Barack Obama, but here's why I really love this man: he stands up for fatherhood, especially black fathers being in their children's lives (Go hide in a corner now, Jesse Jackson) and always gives Michelle a shout out. I love watching them together. I'm sure there are so many Black women out there who look at this couple and don't just see the change for the country, they see hope for themselves. "Hmmm let me go find my Barry-boo right now!" they're thinking.

Mr. J is my President and I'm his First Lady.

199 Days...

2009-01-21T20:23:00.001-05:00

according to theknot.com, that's how many days there are left until the big day, August 8, 2009. We're getting married in Brooklyn because I'm from BK, it's Mr. J's second home (originally Georgia), and we live here.

We are holding our ceremony and reception at the same venue, Akwaaba Mansion located in Bedford-Stuyvesant (Holla!). This is a beautiful bed and breakfast, that is owned by a married black couple (score, that is 4 B's) that we've rented out, including the 4 bedrooms, inside, and courtyard, for a reasonable price. We're staying in the "Jumping the Broom" room for our first night as husband and wife. And yes, we will be jumping the broom.

This is the only link online I've been able to find of a wedding held at our location. They have a smaller guest list and used the ballroom for their ceremony and courtyard for their reception, but you'll get the gist.

The ceremony will take place outside in the courtyard (there are two large trees in the courtyard that shade the entire area), we'd like to get married right in front of the largest tree. After the ceremony guests will go inside to the ballroom for a musical performance by our friends and some cheese, crackers, and fruit and our signature drink. The guests can also mill about in the dining area, parlor, and the sun porch. After the performance (and the outside has been reset) the guests will go back to the courtyard for dinner, drinks, and dancing.

NO ASSIGNED SEATING. Nope, I want people to mingle like they're at a chill lounge. There'll be cocktail tables and enough seating for all the guests, but I want people milling about. We're going to have hors d'ourves and a pasta station with three different types of pasta, an open wine bar, and cupcakes, yummy.

Working on a spot for the afterparty.

Here I am, bridal blogging world!

2009-01-21T20:12:00.001-05:00

Yes. I've decided put myself out here on the world wide web to talk about planning one of the most important days of my life; my wedding to Mr. J.

I started this blog for a few reasons 1) I love writing 2) Ever since becoming engaged, I love reading and looking at wedding porn 3) There aren't that many black chicks blogging about planning their weddings (though to the ones that are, you go, girls) and 4) So that I can talk about all my wedding planning craziness without making my friends and family crazy.

Mr. J and I plan on doing a cross between traditional and non-traditional. There will be lots of DIY projects, for instance I designed our invitations and we'll be making them ourselves. We don't have an insane budget, but we plan to have the greatest day ever.

Mr. J is a teacher and I'm a publicist, we're both graduate students: he's getting his in English Literature and I'm getting an MFA in Creative Writing. He had me at English. We live together in a humble abode in Brooklyn. Oh, and we're both black, hence the reason the url for this blog is idoblacklove, hooray for black love and marriage! The statistics on black marriage are, well, even more depressing than the statistics on the divorce rate in this country. We plan to be like Will and Jada: divorce is not an option.

I'll keep this blog updated with my adventures as I plan our wedding our way.